Her Nearly Ice-White Blonde Hair

Once upon a time, there was a polar bear?

Yes, in Scandanavia, the women’s fine hair

is fair

sometimes the color like the hue of the scruffy fuzzy fur…

of a polar bear.

Such a hue is akin to raw honey comb,

A magic laser-lite in the lightning that sparks when the Mjölnir (hammer!) of Thor lands on the Earth with a deep bass thud

so Norweigia hair

that is pale n’ fair

makes NO GIRL A “square”… but maybe a tetrahedron.

no lady of locks gone blond or sword-gifting nymph Angels, brunette- in the pond of King Arthur who saw her and said:

“Thanks for the battlesword, Lucy. But I am taking Linus’s sister to bed.

to keep  her warm, entertained, not alone… She is blonde. That means she is good. For sure she is good. Damm- she WANTS Schroader.., that effing blond boy who does not want HER. Dizzy, dizzy… Augh!”

Boy who like girls

who like boys who like girls

who like boys who like girls.

How they scream.

Girls ls who like boys

who like girls who like girls who like girls who like girls who…

…hahahah, like BOYS…

well, you may just disagree


simple sandwich on rye

distinguished taste, full of deli lunch

Stanley Hoopschmaker stands

brushes off his pinstrip

slick hair but healthy

sweaty but wealthy

goes to the gym to change.


Meanwhile at the cafe Mdm. Who is at the pie and coffee place

she is making a clock

She is a geek but hot.

Hoops maker goes to get a coffee

an hour later and who cares

this is fiction


“Fiction is more actual than truth.”


It turns out they went to the same school

she says she has a cat

He says “Right on.”

she says “No, he is mean.”

he says, “maybe you should punish the cat.”

She says, “What?”

he says, “Oh, uh…”

and he ends up walking her HOME…

he stares thru the window…

like a PERVERT but he is a nice sort of dude

he sees the cat, orange, greet her

Behind the cat’s back- a huge knife reflecting Hoopschmaker’s eyes. He sees fear in his own EYES! The cat raises the knife to Mdm. Who’s back.

Mr. Hoops hamlet fools the attack!

with both his laces makes a lasso

laces tied with a HOOP

SHOT!! And *loop!!* around the cat’s neck…


throws him in the bushes


stuffs a hot dog from the garbage in his mouth

throws the Orange ball back in the house

window “South”

the woman hears a thud and cries,

“Oh no. Fluff kind. You choked to death on a hotdog and fell off the counter breaking your neck. What do I do?! I will go out in my bra and skirt and look fleshy but ditzy and helpless. Oh if I had only made out with that MAN before- I would have strength NOW in this peril.

and she says,

Hey, what is this knife doing here. As she picks it up in front of the door, the door bell rings DING!!!!

half of the remaining 7 cats JUMP


SHE simply reacts according to her Green Beret training and 25 years of sweaty combat experiences. The knife goes thru the floor…

flies thru the air…

flies fast…


and goes into Mr HOOPSCHMAKER’s head in the neck actually, to the right side of vertebrae c2 and TURNS…


Turns and tap-tickles his uvula


It rotates and bisects his abdomen.

but the 60 year old Italian neighbor saves his life so he marries HER. She turns out to beat him which is really what he wants.

then he gets cancer

then goes mute

and all she does is bitch.

so he goes to the library, spars with a tree in Kung fu when she is not watching his every move

and he never dies

every day is worse than the first

he never dies

heaven? Not here

Hell? Please disappear

he is spared to live

delights are slim



oh well and say


if you relate


How To Make Authentic And Delicious Elf Cookies In Time For Christmas Eve!!


a cookie

a spoon

Scotch tape (capitalize Scottish things!)

And You!

Take a free sample cookie from Trader Joe’s. Take it home.

Beat the cookie with a spoon. Make crumbs.

Carefully pick up crumbs by squashing them skillfully into little elf rolls onto SCOTCH tape.

The dumb little elves say thank you!!


Ho Ho Ho…

santa wears Depends…

they TEAR down the chiminey

inside out, the dough falls out

lands on a fire


Smokey the bear invents fly by water drops in firefighting

it was Smokey’s house!

see, there IS A WAY to turn shit into gold

Merry Christmas 2014! Happy New Year! From our Tee Pee to your trailer home… Love. Intimacy. Pleasures. Like chocolate, you perv! Haha