Acting Lessons For New Hubbies

Act I

    I have had these evenings of anxiety. I am ‘keeping it real’- attempting to not be contrived.


     All actions are acting.

     ACTshhhunz are ACTinggg

     So its all an act?


Act II

     Omg. My wife just told me to take out the garbage. Yes.
Sweet! Guidance.


    Stop telling me what to do damn it. I have one mom.

    Why are you mad? I took the garbage OUT AND I AM DOING FINE.

Act IV

    I am sorry.


    What do you MEAN “No apology necessary because I always do THIS? DAMN IT, DO WHAT? Get mad. Get mad. YOU’RE MAKING ME MAD.

    “No, I am not”, you say.

     You talk too fast… I am going to (get some ear plugs) the kitchen.

      One AND two.

      She speaks.

      “—- — —– – — —- ”
      “—- – — — – —-. —
       —- — —– —? —- —

     (Oh she does not even care if I am listening. Waaaa. Waaaa! Waaahaahaa… )

     (Sorry. That is… scarrry.)

Act V

    Oh yeah, I love my wife.
   She rocks. She is to me
   what a Navy SEALs gun is
   to Him… my baby is a
   sniper rifle. I like to hold her,
   use her, clean her and that
   battle cannon is right in bed
   with me.

            She is full of fire.
   Stupid me, I guess I
   shouldn’t drop her when
   she is





“Did You Know It Is NOT Permitted To Marry Someone With A Brain Injury?” OR “True Injury To The Cerebellum And A Wife, Too”

     My wife has…

     My wife…

     My wife has a br-


     My wife

     My wife

     My WIFE! No!

     My wife lost…


     My beautiful, sensitive,
     unique, sexy, fun wife…
     looks into the glass…

Cat got the tongue?

    It is not behoovy to say
    some things…

    I can say:

    “My wife is borderline for
      type two diabetes.”

    Then add-

     “… a person who has
      diabetes AND a brain
      injury may seem
      cyclothymic or bipolar
      because they experience
      a small hell of not being
      able to “communado”
      their feelings.

              They will just go
      grocery shopping. Too
      much. I somehow am
      THERE! Wow! People were
      trying to get me to leave
      her. It seemed. She gets
      “defiant” over groceries.
      I got the cart out to load
      them.  She AUTOMATICLY
      took it 50 feet away from
      the car and groceries,
      stood and stopped.

            A man- not a
      “husband”- a
      metahusband (she met a
      BOYYY. He became a
      meta-man. Meta-guard.
      I have made men eat my
      fist for saying to her,
      “Want my sausage.” I
      worked those ass hatz
      OVER, BOYYY.

            No one fiddles with my
      STRADIVARIUS that was
      dropped. NO ONE calls her
      on any THING. Not EVER. I
      You can bank on that and
      get your butt kicked at
      Winn Dixie by Me Ixy.

            My “ixy” is my face. I
      do not HIT or twerk a tit
      with a fit-as-shit knuckle
      twist pinch. Male. Female.
      I WILL. Would that be a
      suprise, ladies, if you call
      my wife a HO… if I were to
      stand at hugging distance,
      locate your left nipple by
      pheremone detection,
      GNAB and vice grip it with
      my ninja right hand until
      you pee? It would be play
      tonic. Evil. I am a man.

             My wife’s loudest
       enemies have tits. In
       ninjistsu, anything goes.

             Don’t… flirt with me.

             Don’t… compete with
       her. I will tell her. She will
       Dixie-twist you herself.

             Like I said?

             Oh, no no no

             She is… my pupil.

             I married my student.

             She cannot control
       her nine-point hell drop
       hands of fate. Shit, I mean
       she wakes me up and I
       have an IV in my arm,
       duct taped to the ceiling.

             How in the hell does
       the water go up?

             It can’t.


Cell Block Nix, My Brutha


My wife:
(On net via cell phone in
other room.)

“Oh, so and so is getting a divorce.”


“YOUR SIDE of the family?”
( In the bedroom sorting my

My wife:
“No, in Tennessee, I-



“Oh, so not real-

“No they REALLY ARE divorcing-


“So what!- hey how about positive-

“Yes and there was a shooting… by a trany with
cancer who CAME OUT as
an omniphile on Dr. Phil and…

Fade OUT



“I have to go to the car-


“Why??! Heycanyoupickup




She forgets.
My brother just went to divorce court 2 years ago.
I was subpoenaed because
my sis’s (SIL for 28 yearssss)
ATTORNEY wanted to prove
that I (38 two years ago) was
sexually assaulted by him (that would be 13 him & me 4)
Thirty ought six years ago.

I wanted the lawyer dead because

because he did ‘sorta’ 2nd degree molest me

we worked it out

in the divorce, wife talked heavily with SIL.

I said pleez doo not


I have seen my 49 year old bro ONCE

I have tried to get certain odds to end my life**

I exagerrated the trany story.
That is a “imitation vine” of what the net is half about.

Ist halbe Schisa… und halbe ‘Nerve-agent-auf-ga-bits”

Rap to ode:

Net dot net
Dub el yoo
Dub el you
Dub F U

** after Robin Williams suicided by belt, I cut up all my belts

Pants better fit.


Transcendance Humana

          If a person is ill in a new, or TOO old, or unfamiliar way..
people will fear and prepare accordingly.

          This is why in the military they have yelling DRILL SEARGANTS….

          Some for North Carolina hell newbees NOW… SOME gor later in land Z- the end…

           How, boy DO YOU GET A “ZEE” to strip reckless ILL INTO A NEW “a”…. FONZIE??



Are you an imperial fucking pint of fuck face shit gaddam little dog squeeze


We GOT A laffer

Put them under

Waterboard you

Strip him down

Hang him up like jezus





Let the Arabs do that

Let the Russians








Nice mommy

Get out of my army
Get out
   We will throw you
A going away
   Blanket party


Are you the bitch?
Are you a lil bitch?

Get up.



My Wife Needs To Take Home Ec

    I know the kitchen better. I am getting shafted. Hahah!!!!

     She wanted to give me cold chicken out of a can. For lunch. Cold.



    I don’t want to be back in a NO PARENT home. Jimminy Chrishnoid!


    Not “here you go I guess”

    I make bitchin’ Thai Soup with shrimp.

Das “Sur-veev-or” Motto


I am no where now

Now I am nothing

Shame and damnation?

Fire up the burger… “I in me and me is dead I we I gone I gone I gone crazy wheaty butter biscuit

I not the same

(For shizz-nit)

I in I in I in I

Me out

Outta me here no dingy for mee bee

I, battleship

I, Hulk

I Go-runky Ape-zilla

Robot of doom made of meat and mean rags over my cornholios and jojos and nibby doo days


I drank it

On Mount Zuel

I am a dog-o-nautic humanoid water-hucker
Super soldier of mayhemic undivine uber-celest mess.

I am

I am not me again
I treincarnated into triple riff

I pre-incarnally became the future predessecor of the
   un-kind inner rind find
While still alive I am ded and exist like a phoenix and a
fist, Ulla.

Like a Phoenix and a fist, Ulla.

Inn shah lay
  In the shadow of NW Shah…
      Today we lay…

If Judah has one-
How is the Lion of Joseph?
   Of Zapanath-Paneah?
Pillar of fire?

Is life dull…
Or is it all comprised of
    countless nano-miracles??
If u want UP
     THINK on the latter

Trinity Is “Two And One” Not Three: Doctrine Explaination Breakthrough… Holy Laughter… Sign Yourself… Just Don’t High-sign Yourself… I Was- Hey!- Gimme The Mic Back!!

    My blog here was nominated last year. For WordPress. Thank you to the punk who wrote me up. You rock. We all when… won way or an udder. *Sigh*

   Blogging is like playing Simon Says… only YOU are the only player. Fun. So we shoot in the dark.

What THIS post is about

    I am one of the deadliest West Coast snipers. With a bible.

       I went to Multnomah Bible University. In week two of my first year in 1998- I experienced hell. My body went septic and I became BOTH suicidal and ILL physically. It was clusterfunk.
I dropped out. But not before a righteous NDE tore me a new world view. Or two. String theory? Seven.

      Seven eyes. Seven spirits. Did I SEE it? No. I have hereditary angioedema, ptsd, bipolar and a spectrum disorder. I am human. Barely. No I assure you I am a man. 40 years young with Clooney salt and pepper.


    I was faking a smile. I hate Costco.

   Okay, so American theology and trinitarian christology meets ME…

   Did I mention my spectrum disorder? The attempt on my life by a “christian” sports ministry charismatic sex addict? No? Nevermind.

What is the triune God?
  3 in 1?


     The human brain has dual occular tourets powered by oxygen and electricity. One is dominant (leader) and the other recessive (student). They are called? They are?


     God the father is the dominate light. The son is the recessive “student”. The holy spirit is energy & oxygen of them. Energy IS light.


If light = deity

And flesh = man

Jesus is a man of light.

A man is not God.

God’s one son is Jesus.

Every baby born has the
Father, Son, Holy Ghost
MESSAGE to them!-


Alpha eye, beta eye…
Spirit of unity,

YOU (not my were-rabbits) are a bearer of the imago dei.

Are you scared of judgment?
Do not be.

Are you unafraid and comfortable? Start to… fear.


I do not know about my audience, but I screw up.
I am deep in the depths of the trenches of this world…


     How do you get OUT and not die?


     First of all, don’t believe what dogs say. What is that? Oh. You don’t know? Nevermind, dudes and dudettes…


   There will be.. TODAY.. a way to FLY. You must choose. You must take care of your health and tend to your emotions.


This little lite ain’t mine.
Its a gift to us from the Sun and Moon of Eden Renewal tech support.

Inshaa Isa the Son
Inshaa God his father
Inshaa Life in the SPIRIT of
      carry you today



   I was in a class of pain today. I have a rare blood disease that is truly only life-threatening if it triggers an airway swell.

  Why must my wife treat me as her child when it is KNOWN I am no more likely to die than a marathon runner?? LESS chance.

   Not only that, she went over my head, called my doctor- the specialist- to GET HIM to say “Go to ER”. He said, “That would be best.”

For him it IS best to say THAT.

She was being forcive. I resent it. Am I not free?
Human? I am NOT risking my life. I do NOT trust the ERs staff. The doctor KICKED MY OUT OF THE HOSPITAL 2 weeks before the Robin Williams shocker. Now I AM TRYING to maintain esteem
for self. Me. My body. My dreams. My world.

In the last year, she accused me of FLIRTING with the nurse before. She got angry once and said, “Why don’t you **** her?”. That ***king HURTS. Flirt? She was gregarious. My wife was in a car wreck before we met. She said she had head trauma.
It is REALLY HARD to have a spouse GO OFF… 20-30 times about the home nurse. I said, “Ok ok… lets switch out nurses.”

We did.

Today she nagged, started sitting ON me as I am in bed. I got UP. I flipped around, stood &
marched to the shower and landed steaming hot water on my BACK, as my gut was having edema.

Its a morbid damned disease. 
   People act morbid when they fear death.

   Why fear a cessation?

   Millions of micro-systems must fail for death.

   I ask her, “Do you WANT me to die?”, because I think secretly people are as happy to deal with illness as a brat is cranky that he must eat brussel sprouts. Maybe he can “off” the sprouts under the table.

    I AM under a TABLE. No one sees how I am treated at home. Yelled at, ground down. She took all the debit and credit cards from me. Last night she said, “Eye doctor appt. tomorrow.” I said, “Does the bank account have enough money for that? The eye glasses?” (I lost mine.)

       She PAUSES. Thinks of a lie and says, “Insurance will cover it.” I wanted her to admit we have money. She drones on about bills. I took my ONE BELT… and cut IT. Know why? Wanna know why? The news gave succinct directions for how to use a belt to induce brain-death through oxygen deprivation. I get abused. I am a big guy. I get sick and funky tired of hearing we have “nothing”.

      When I said, “Stop talking DOWN… you make me want to START to walk into just DWELLING on “Williams-ing” myself… she did not cry. She screamed. The heck if I WOULD. But a scream-nag- is that a “hag hazing”? Hey- I do love her. I saw her thru FIVE YEARS straight of tests. ERs. False alarms many many times.

       I just need peace. Not to be a dill weed, but when her family member was in hospice, she violated their civil rights. She tried to force a dying person to eat and drink. That is a violating action. No one has to eat. Its not suicide to stop eating. Fasting is probably a somaticly comforting thing.

      I get my IV med infused by home nurse for HAE. I would never tell her, partly because she’d have my HEAD, but my attack intensity doubles with home bull shit. Not a home. Four walls. Rented apartment.
People want me to be healed and OVER it to have “fun”.

    My innocence about fun died 27 years ago. I am all about duty and mission. And slack.

   Fresh outta slack.

Arpeggio Over My Aorta: Male Familial Stress And Psyche Injuries Galore

      I learned a new way to blog. It involves going to my keyboard and hitting the microphone button. In less than half the time- I am writing. I go back and I fix punctuation and capitalization. Like that.

      You don’t see it. The “you” in the sentence previous to this had a lower case y. I said all that and that’s all I had to fix. With that sentence all I have to do is add a period.

     I feel with this tool… I can get my emotions out well by just speaking. I like to write as I speak anyway. I’m not kidding. That’s for those of you who don’t know about this technology.

On to business…

      So I’m going to continue to use this voice text program…

      Now I want to use a poetry format… but I am going to write it as I am saying it:

I’m not going to pull any punches

A little over 2 years ago something awful started to happen in my family

IT was divorce proceedings in a divorce that was not amicable

my brother and sister-in-law who have 3 children were getting divorced

the paperwork still is not finalized

I do not believe that papers can define feelings or family


I was subpoenaed by my sister in laws lawyer

my brother talks a lot

he is 9 years older than me

he is super super super honest

much too honest

a counselor of his encouraged him to tell me something

let me tell you what that was

what it was

my brother told me that he molested me when I was 4 years old and he was 13

my sister in laws attorney used that in court

I was subpoenaed by my sister in laws attorney to testify about my brother being a molester

my brother who has not harmed his 3 children I do believe it I do believe it he was tested by a professional for aberrant behavior and he passed as a normal citizen

a normal citizen


I am NOT a normal citizen because I have a rare blood disease that is triggered by neurological stress

the damage done to me through all these proceedings was as follows:

I obeyed the subpoena

I went to the courthouse

I was embarrassed

this was all old stuff

the attorney didn’t use it

I was not called to testify

I only SAT there feeling horrible


after this my mom who had married a new man moved out of town

she moved 200 miles away

four to five hour drive

my father passed away

my mother does not talk about my father anymore at all

that hurts my feelings

something else is worse…

new guy

the new guy put down my father has passed away to my face

family name is Giesbrecht

I am one

I change my legal name because everyone always screws it up on the phone. I change my last name to Harrison after my father in law Harry.

my mom’s new husband talks about my father like he was ungodly

it makes me angry

the new man is also wealthy

I am NOT

I have little money I am ill often and I do not have opportunities to work often

I am on disability

there’s something else

besides slamming my father

besides putting down my father is deceased the new man who is married to my mother says things to me about my illness

he has called it a curse

he says I have to pray for it to be healed

He smokes cigarettes about a pack a day? that isn’t healthy

I have tried to gently confront him before. that doesn’t work

I have tried to confront my mom before about things she says that our upper crust talking down to me

that does not work

what then?

well I just assumed these are parental unit problems in this not any of my business to try to fix my parental or otherwise units in my life to respect my elders is my goal I focus on my life and to protect my wife

I just said that and it wrote it out as text how cool

things that I want to tell somebody

I want to say that I love life

I love the kids in the family

I understand my oldest brother to a degree

I understand his wife ex wife to a degree

the kids hurt

I feel that to a degree

my other brother feels hurt over it

my other brother still hurt over our family upbringing

sounds like something for counseling huh?

but I have treatments every two days IV intravenous medication

I have hereditary angioedema

the hereditary type is rare

how rare?

one in fifty thousand

taking stock

I have:
hereditary angioedema
neuro fibromas
     (non cancerous tumors)
    on the bottom of my right
        foot.  and on the bottom
        of my left foot

I was in the work force for 20 years with ups & as a cashier & as a unionized painter

I can make art. I have had art shows.

I was laid off in 2008 when the recession hit.

I help my wife take care of her dying mother.

she died in July of cancer in 2010

my wife and I went into debt helping her

my father in law is an amputee he was a widower

we stayed in touch with him closely. while the rest of the family worked or played.

he got a new caregiver.

ended up marrying her.

its not funny and its not a good thing.

she has a criminal record and there is nothing we can do about it after all the talking we have done with the police department… and all the talking with DHS adult and Family Services

oh yes… he rewrote his will to give her half of a million dollars and two houses and to us nothing.

he has dementia but he will still mock us and it hurts.

my mom and her husband say things to me and my wife that hurt. my moms husband said that the mother in law and father in law could hurry up and die… so that we can go on

obviously that’s when we would be free right? but why say that?

survive and thrive

I need to eat drink have rent paid and have medicine

I need my wife to be happy I need to be able to help her be happy

we cannot skimp on nutrition and medicine

I have felt turned away in my lifetime I can tell you that

I can certainly tell you I feel like a reject sometimes

I can definitely tell you I don’t feel like much of anybody

I can tell you it feels like a curse but I refuse to call it that with things don’t go as planned

for when things don’t go at all


it’s time for me to go to bed

I’m sitting in my car writing this

I’m smoking a pipe. It is lame.I say because I think tobacco is very much not healthy but I don’t get pain medicine very often. only in ER!!

I wish my pipe was a special pipe…  do you know what I mean? but there is no spiritual laws that says I have to have exactly this or that to be happy. Legalize this & that. Huh. I have to surf life crazy foot on both FEET… NO BOARD. SHITNESS!

there is in fact a sane kind of suffering

do you know
or do you want to know
I called seen suffering

?  ?  ?

la paciencia

the patience

in Greek patience is defined as long suffering

this means settling down for a long ride

how else can you take the tedium on- so that it doesn’t become torture??

I want to say I’m thankful to my Savior but I don’t want to sound religious. I want to sound realistic. I don’t need a healer. I need a shaman will tuck me in tonight and hi-5 me.

like Casper the ghost only better


good night



Uh wait………………..

just kidding I can’t believe you fell for that

Band Of Bros

In a WWII series, a captain demands his men get rid of pornography which is a woman with nice hair and cute in her underwear, and NOT a photo- drawn. And NOT engaged in an ACT. Just laying on a matress in her room.

Tricked ya. No porn here.

      I guess they had to store up 12.5 milligrams of pure Eden teste-terone to KILL 80,000 people. Any man ever FEEL like he could KILL like Samson on a bad effing day?

     Personally,  I start to feel like I am living death when the ivory-handled revolver is turned into murder-death-kill
shrap and I WANT TO GO TO HELL.

    Oh please, Daddy! Let me go to Hell? My tester-o-blade is denied “life joy”. Time to switch to the darkest side of the force.

     I am not military. I never killed one man. I ran over a possum. I shoved a drunk hobo once because my friend moved his hand to his concealed .38

      I almost drowned. Its like a heart attack. Only I knew I was about to die. I do not require sex. I need love & destruction. Hindu Baba Zindu… I lord my lot. I have killed floor lamps. Twenty seven. Just kidding. Four.

      I take. I am a human wrecking ball. I consume the lamby woman I trapped in marriage. I am a son of a Uranium tainted gun.

    Insanity is man. Fe or the male.

    Fe = iron
Mail = news report


A female is an iron maiden. Make sure you are a holey man if you get in with her.

Hey man!



You are a slayer.
Do not “let”
  slay you…

WHEN she does…


Like a man.

You are not beyrayed

She makes you strong to
                 die well.

Are you happy 100%?

Good for youuuuuuuu………

Your death is going to hurt.



What do I know?
I am a Dutch Boy.