Here is a fictional account of Jesus and his twelve disciples in Samaria. I, the author, claim that I know enough about Jesus, Jesu, Isa, Christ… to pull a whammy.
Jesu i disiplex auf Samairtonischberg
Jesus had to go. I mean, after walking many miles and consuming hummus and milk, he saw a grove of trees.
“I must go now” ,he said.
“Why??”, said Peter. “Watch my sheep, Peter,” said the son of man.
So Jesus skipped away. Grabbing some leaves, the 31 year old was about to give birth to holy shit. Suddenly, after the Master had finished popping a squat, Judas walked into the trees. “Stop,” said Jesus. “For I am burying a holy sacrifice.”
Jesus laughed. Judas said, “I have 20 to 1 odds, my lord, that you DO take a shit.” The lord replied, “You do not see me, but truly I do. Do you believe it?”
“Heck YES, lord,” replied Judas. So Judas collected. He later develeped a love of money.
Saint Peter ran up and said, “Lord… you do poo like the rest of us?”
“You fool!”, replied Jesus. “Can a man eat 4 pounds of hummus and NOT dook? You are a moron. I am making holy soil.”
Thomas came in and said, “I will only believe it if I…”
“Get the hell out of here, Thomas. Would you please, for once just BELIEVE when shit is real?”
So Thomas said, “Okay… but I just lost 30 drachmas.”
So when Jesus got back, all tidy and fresh from local leaves, washing his hands in dirt from a stream, he made the disciples who bugged him collect the firewood.
When they complained of the task, he said, “Its your karma, you goobs.” They said, what is karma?
Jesus said, “Its the thing I am going to destroy forever by becoming as lowly as crap in the eyes if man.”
Peter said, “No way.” Jesus. Said at Peter, “Get to my behind, Satan.” That statement made Peter feel like crap. So Peter reasoned that a man’s body elementally will become crap… many, many years later. And they did not ask him too more many questions.
/z\ Soo Doh Pig Raffi Yah