The brain is a fleshy place, watery. It operates itself under biochemical and electrical conditions. The body also is neuro receptive, organic, the body a figure for vehicular motions and propulsion of a string of successive psychoses called “our conscious experience”. Where will comes in to control that vehicle is ify.
Do to the nature of codes (writings outside of the body) and laws and communication ie speech, people agree to “go along” with things. People also have inner writings in their conscience, some which put against a law, they would rather break the law than deny their conviction. For some this would be a refusal to move while protesting an immorality. For others in Urbania, their conscience is wicked in a quick sweet deadly ride to hell.
When you get there, in Hell… Hell on Earth… voices of reason will almost audibly talk to you. You will be at war with someone else’s lack of conscience. God, read the book, “The Gift of Fear”. There are people who go to party’s, steal things, “date” rape intoxicated females, laugh and laugh, social bastards, so full of themselve you just want them dead. Maybe preferably violently. Maybe do it yourself. What a waste of a person to be a thieving, drugging rapist and killer.
Well I came across the path of a meth head that was all that. I was 28. I’m trying to write this… I’ll take my time. The situation got really messed up. I had to make a police report. I spoke to my counselor days later and she freaked out. That didn’t help any. I didn’t do anything wrong. Fucking whatever. The man had AIDS he said, and was trying to rape me. He talked normal, got into my apartment building past security. He said he was over dosing and said he was really scared.
So I talked to him. I didn’t think he was a threat. I lived downtown already. He was friends with another tenant. I thought, ” Damn, I’d feel awful if I was on a bad trip…” No one ever told me meth is called The Devil Drug. I was in my very small apartment and #86 SHUTS THE DOOR. So that’s what I will call this man because he doesn’t get a name, just a destiny. That’s the first thing he did in a string of psychic mindfuck attempts to attempt to actually get me to submit to be sodomized. But first he just spoke a lot. For 15 minutes about “Jesus Christ” totally high, he talked about being demon possessed. The man was 6’5″ and 280 lbs. I heard or felt a resonant sound or feeling of assurance that no matter what, I’d be okay and no one can have a further say. I’m good, basicly.
So this man just goes on about religious bullshit, which was only messing with my own Christianity. The man takes off all… all of his clothes because he says he’s “hot”. Yeah. I guess meth does that. That and feeling like you want to force fornicate the neighborhood because you’re a son of a bitch from hell. Demon possessed? I was fucking TERRIFIED. Oh… god… Why be politically fucking correct anymore?? He was racially black. I am white, Viking descent. I was totally petrified. I’m not racist.
I wasn’t. After that, I stayed away from blacks- but because I MYSELF was fucked in the head, hateful of one black man. I knew if people knew, people would laugh and say, ” How the fuck you get a naked black man in your apartment?” I was filled with so much hate. But the man (1) Was a con artist (2) was on meth (3) took occupation of my place (4) blocked the only exit besides a 4 story drop (5) took his clothes off.
I blocked out my peripheral vision and never saw him naked. What an IDIOT he should have felt like! Stripping in front of a white boy who collects goddam knives! Well I tell him, “You… you gotta… you gotta put on your clothes. You need to leave.” Then he threatens me:
“I could have you killed. I know people.”
He whispered it. So outta nowhere that I knew I had, I yell,
“OH KILL ME, HUH?? YOU?!? YOU’RE GOING TO THREATEN ME AFTER EVERYTHING, ME BEING NICE TO YOU?????? GET OUTTA HERE!!! ( And louder than I can write: ” L E A V E !!!!!!!!!!!!!”
He puts his pants back on, says he promises he wasn’t ever going to go “too far” but he had HIV. What was he going to rape if he thought he could?
I get flashbacks at this point of his talking about speaking in tongues and that I was disgusting in the “flesh”- a biblical term. This was like an exocism. The guy, I just wanted to “86” him… And I did. But not without grabbing the guy and telling him just where the hell he could go!!
Well, let me back up. Mr. 86 hit his knees to the floor after he put his stupid pants back on to cover his stupid ass. He freaked out. All the fear I had from him transfered back to him. Like I said, I was scared as hell. I yelled at him loudly at just the right time and he was recoiling on the floor, powerless crying, begging to not be sent to hell. This really reeks of demon possession. But I put my hand on top of his head and told his sorry ass, regarding going to hell:
“You don’t have to go to hell.”
I looked out the window and the sun was rising and all I remember was light and intense energy. I gave him some food. He was still difficult but I got him to leave. He took my movie the Matrix. Everything he wanted. $5, a shirt, fuck it alk, he got it. Then I got him to leave.
I went back up to my apartment, but back to a guy’s apartment, Das, who was Buhddist Christian- very handy to have friends who are both Buhddist and Christian at a time like that. He actually did something weird but extremely useful. He spoke to me sharply, “You must WATCH yourself”, he said. He was a little crazy. Heh heh.
All that was too fast. But its over. Others should know I found myself in a situation with a mind to help someone. Now my policy is that I don’t feel I have to help someone unless they are bleeding all to death. No panhandlers. I already had PTSD. This increased it. Later that day I came apart. I moved out that night. And 86, he came back, looking for me.
But I moved. I don’t give a damn about race or age. People behave. Period. Noone has to like eachother or talk to each other. This was scarier than “Urban Magi III: Ronin” where that dip shit tried his funky sick sex shit on me. This “Meth Sith” story is the day the Urban Magi was born. By no means was there a perfection or dominance in it, but I learned a hell of a lot about the brain on meth. And the brain and the body as it is in its successive frames of psychoses. You kind of decide your own life.
I can’t judge myself, or someone who ends up a rape victim. And there is humanity in a victimizing individual, but in this case humility had to be punished into him and I had no control over that. I think people make choices that eternally seperate themselves from eachother. But if people will kill within themselves that which is killing them, we are better around eachother. I believe there will be one day a hard to understand reaping of wheat from the weeds. There will be no need be afraid then. Evil will be eaten. Death will die. God told me at the window before I “86ed” 86.