So to have the option to speak on the net in my corner is nice. I had an intake appointment with a GP and he gets me. He’s a little older & my wife came with. Meeting new people is terrible for me. This is a doctor who was GLAD to hear my knowledge of medicine. I’m glad intake is over. I told him what I practiced.
Yes, I said, I have HAE, but my body is normal. My deficiency of a protein creates a syndrome- a world HE will not have to take on because I will have a specialist. He was cool to be my biological mechanic with honors.
Honestly, I am in pain now. The kind of pain that gets one thinking. If I say what it is I’m thinking, you may think of agony etc. I don’t want you to. Its going to be a little odd here then. I had a dream I met Susan Boyle, the winner of “Brittain’s got Talent”. In my dream she was so sophisticated. I think I tried to get her to sing with me.
Okay, so “New Post”- how about I tell you, not show you, how I think. My body is a bio-electric machine, complex, and its parked on a couch now. My thumb is texting this on a 2-year old cell phone. My mind is a Pentagon of offices and hallways of mostly closed doors. There will be no entry into my war room. You do not need to know the fear and frustration. You only need to know I am on the back porch of my mind’s villa.
I am crying. Out of the shadows of the backyard of my mind my dogs “Slumpy” & “Do-right” walk up to play. I throw a tennis ball and it hits the fence. Slumpy hits the fence and a board breaks. I can see farther. I’ve seen “over there” before into the city. I see lights, car rear rex lights on the highway.
I see my neurons in slow motion. I am not in control. Neither does casuality rule the landscape. I do not want to see the hope in it, but nevertheless hope rules my back burner drive and dreams. I… I… I. This post is not about me again, is it? If so, I have ended… I don’t need people… I am nothing now. Nothing, nothing, nothing could be further from the truth.
I am just like you, reader. But now there is nothing more to read. Link me to YOUR blog and in my small space I will listen. That is, who I am becoming, out of myself… and linked in communication desparation to you. Its not SO desparate. It could even be fun 😀
So with all the problems mentioned in blog world, this one is written for the dead end. Not to ruin the dialog, but to uplift the weary wandering wordsmith.
To your health,